my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
