It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
