My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
