hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
