FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
