You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
