I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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