life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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