you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
