this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
