Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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