I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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