no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
