My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we're so committed to being not committed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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