You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
