Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
