writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
