I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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