Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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