I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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