She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
