I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
