In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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