your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
