my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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