Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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