I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
