Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
