I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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