So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
