i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
