ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
