just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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