The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
