Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we should paint friendship bongs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
