fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
