shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
