You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
