someone get that fucking seahorse.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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