so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
