dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who died my cat blue again?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
