I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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