New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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