On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
