I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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