I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
