Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
