I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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