I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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