Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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