A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
