I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
