oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
