Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
