thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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