Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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